Take 100% Responsibility For Your 50%

When things don’t go the way we expect them to, we can be quick to deflect, defend, blame, justify and dish out criticism. Whether it be in relationships, at work, with our finances or our health, many of us unknowingly default into victim mode, and abdicate responsibility for owning our own part. And what’s critical to know about this is that when you identify as a victim, you lose all of your power and that impacts the way you live your life.

Most of us don’t choose that consciously though, and it’s something that strong and capable women can easily get trapped in.

One of my virtual mentors, Christine Hassler, always says that in every situation, “You’ve got to take 100% responsibility for your 50%” and I think that is absolutely the truth.

The way that you can start this process is to ask yourself the question “what am I learning from this situation?” instead of “why did it happen to me?” When we shift into observer mode and get curious, we unlock an awareness that is critical to our growth and healing. 

Now don’t get me wrong, the victim mentality is not a sign of weakness, it is simply a well-established belief pattern many of us have developed over time that needs to be consciously reprogrammed.  And it is totally possible to do!

Here’s a little cheat sheet to get you started on deciphering what we are and are not, responsible for:

We are responsible for:

  • Our own health and healing
  • Our choices and decisions 
  • Our agreements or commitments to do something 
  • Our relationships 
  • Our personal environment   
  • Our karma  
  • Our body
  • Our experiences  
  • Our happiness   
  • Our projects  
  • Cleaning up our own messes  
  • Correcting our mistakes 
  • Personal endings and completions  
  • Personal beginnings 
  • Personal growth and change 
  • Our intentions and dreams 
  • Our prosperity and abundance
  • Our behaviour and reactions

We are not responsible for:   

  • Another’s health and wealth  
  • Another person’s choices or decisions 
  • Another’s happiness or fulfillment in life 
  • Other people’s karma 
  • Fixing another’s mistakes, messes, behaviours or actions 
  • Another’s experiences as being positive or negative 
  • The outcomes of another’s process, growth, or change
  • Other people’ relationships
  • What another does with useful information or advice
  • Another’s prosperity and abundance 
  • Other people’s agreements and commitments 
  • Another’s experience of love, being loved, or not being loved

Practice the art of taking radical self-responsibility. In every moment, when you find yourself defaulting into victim mode, ask yourself: “Does this feel true?”. Be kind with yourself and know that you won’t always get it right, there will be times you won’t take responsibility and feel justified in that, especially as you are first starting out. Know that it is totally okay and that you are human.

The biggest reminder I can give you is that when you take responsibility for how you feel in your life, how you feel in every moment and you recognize that it is your responsibility and yours alone to determine how you feel, it is the most liberating feeling you could every experience.

So, why not start today? Where in your life can you take responsibility? In your relationships, your health, your own happiness, or your career? Take a moment now to jot down your thoughts. Commit to owning your stuff and letting go of the rest. 

Samantha Ushedo, CNP